you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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