Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
