did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
