I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
