the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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