Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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