so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
