My hand turned me down
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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