i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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