I bet he comes in French.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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