Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
