Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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