please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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