i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
