Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
