We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
