Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize