no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
