That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
