I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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