What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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