I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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