You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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