I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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