You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
