theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
