I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
