No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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