I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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