You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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