awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
