Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
