why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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