I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize