forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
