Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
