??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do herpes really smell.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
