You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your cock deserves a montage
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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