Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
