I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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