just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
