I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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