She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
