After last night, I could never be a politician.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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