I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
