Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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