there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
