Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize