Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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