im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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