I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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