Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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