apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize