Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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