Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
