if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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