No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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