so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
