dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
