He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize