I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize