the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
