Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sorry about my life...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
