Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
