I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
